Saturday, December 21, 2013

the battle

MIL - Mother in Law
FIL - Father in Law
SIL - Sister in Law
BSIL - the bitch SIL
DH - Dear Husband
Spawn - the bitch niece


This is the whole story as i typed it out as it occurred... to keep record of events... just in case... this will be continuously updated as things happen worth documenting.



8-11-2012


pissed does not even come close to describing my emotion right now....


we have been visiting the inlaws for the last few days and will be going home to SC tomorrow.
my Biotch SIL just asked my husband what time we are planning on leaving tomorrow.... then she took me into the guest room, all stealthy like, and said "because mom wants to get a picture of mike, and dad and her and katie and me and allisa to put up on the wall." .... she listed everyone in this house OTHER than me... so i'm like... "what about me?"..... she says "well, um, someone has to take the picture."


i say "there is a timer setting on the camera to set it to take delayed pictures so everyone can be in it."


did she have a happy reaction to that? no. she replied "oh, well, then i guess we could do that. but we don't have anywhere to put the camera.


of course i said, "all we have to do it set it on a shelf or a table and we can get a whole family picture."


her response? "oh, well, um, i guess, if we have to."


holy $%$# . i am a part of this family too. and i'll be damned if my daughter is in a family picture and i am not. i dealt with that at my wedding. i will NOT deal with it any more.


-------


8/13/2012


.......and i blew up at them this morning.



i was still ticked off at BSIL when MIL asked about getting the pictures taken BSIL said "i don't want to anymore." in a really snotty tone. MIL asked why not, and snarky Jennie came out and said "because she doesn't want me in the pictures when i have a right to be."


 i didn't mean to say it.. it just came out.....


 well that made MIL cry, because apparently the picture was MIL's idea... so then i got the balls to go ahead and hash out EVERYTHING i have been dealing with for the last 10 and a half years... starting with the fiasco of pictures from our wedding of THE FAMILY without me in it.. .. needless to say the BSIL stormed out of the room in a huff because i was starting a confrontation.... the NieceSpawn started screaming at both me and DH to "just leave because we hate them all" and this caused FIL to jump in between me and MIL (we were both calm but crying, btw) which made DH have to jump in because he thought FIL was going to put his hands on me.... i calmly told him to please let me speak to MIL because this needs to be said... he looked at me and at DH and left the house...


in the meantime, MIL is crying and Spawn jumps in hugging her telling me to go away... so i said to her as calmly as i could "you have got to let me say what i need to say. she is my mother in law, and this miscommunication has gone on long enough. i am part of this family too, and whether you like it or not, i have the right to fix whatever it is that has been broken. let me say my peace, please." and surprisingly enough, Spawn backed off.... 


so MIL and i stood there talking... hashing out SOOOOOOO much crap that should have been said years ago. .. so many things that she thought, that were miscommunicated to her by BSIL or Spawn, that could have simply been corrected if wither DH or i had been asked about it.....


in the mean time, BSIL is in the kitchen slamming cabinet doors and her spawn would not leave, kept trying to "protect" her grandmother from me... when in reality MIL and i ended up having a real heart to heart and i had to end up saying to Spawn "this is a forgiving, forgetting and moving on conversation.. if you do not have the ability to forgive, forget or move on, then you need to leave the room because you are not part of the conversation." Spawn REALLY did not like that.. but she retreated and hovered in the background.


MIL had this idea that i hated her and preferred my own family, that's why i "took her son away from her and moved to SC"... so i told her "we lived an hour away from you for 3 years, 3, and you came to see us twice. what did we have to keep us here? i am very close to my family, and blessed to have them nearby to help with the baby..,. but we make a point to be part of each others lives. you never tried to be part of our lives when we lived in Florida, and when you did, it seemed grudgingly, so why would we stay?".... her response? "i thought you didn't want me." holy crap.. so it's my fault again?


i did not even mention how they did not bother to come to the hospital to be with THEIR SON when i was having emergency surgery for the ectopic pregnancy back in 04.. and they were only 10 minutes away. he had to sit there for 4 hours by himself till my parents got there (they drove all the way from SC to Jacksonville immediately after we called them telling them i was losing the baby)... i thought that would just make her cry more, so decided to not mention it.... tho now i wonder if i should have....


anyway... more stuff was said, and clarified, and explained, and she realised she has made a lot of assumptions about me... and DH backed me up on most of what i was saying when either she, BSIL or Spawn said doubting words about it......


what we did find out that started all of this hatred of me was that, according to BSIL, at our rehearsal dinner, 10 and a half years ago, she had some conversation with the preacher (who was a stand-in because ours was on sabbatical) and whatever it was he said in response to whatever she was saying to him, SHE took as him saying that "it is the family of the bride's wishes that Spawn would not be allowed to stand at the altar with us because she is a child out of wedlock.".......... eh?


first- neither mike nor i knew anything like this occurred at the rehearsal dinner.. all we knew was they left early because of some BSIL drama, as was the usual practice....


second - the preacher would not have been speaking for my family because my Jr Bridesmaid, who was in the wedding too, was a child out of wedlock, so that situation was not something we held against people...


third - mike and i both doubt the preacher even said anything remotely similar to that because of how we know BSIL loves to spin things to make everyone else the bad guys.... she probably asked him advice on her babydaddy situation and child custody or some such thing, and he probably gave his i'm-a-really-old-man-and-believe-in-the-old-ways response of "well you should not have had a child out of wedlock and you wouldn't be in this situation"... or something to that effect... but we really have no clue because we didn't even know the man.. he was a replacement for my preacher who was on sabbatical, and we barely knew him.....


and then Spawn says "and you always exclude me from everything. i wasn't invited to any of the wedding rehearsals."............ eh again?


first - we had 1 rehearsal... and she was there... walked up and down the aisle and everything.. there was a snafu that we originally wanted her and the ring bearer to sit with the congregation instead of standing up for so long, but BSIL had created such a scene about that we gave in and had the kids practice for standing up with us...... she was there....


second... we always exclude her? um.. in march, didn't we take her to Universal with us? haven't we invited her to go to Disney, and baseball games, and to visit us countless number of times..... oh.. but that's right... we asked her mother.. who always said no (except the baseball when FIL was going too) so Spawn was probably never told we'd invited her.


so overall it was a good talk with MIL.. hopefully she will remember what i actually said to her and stops listening to BSIL and Spawn spin evil tales about us.... hopefully things will get better.....


but when we left.... they walked us out and i hugged MIL and FIL and said goodbye to BSIL and Spawn.... i am not generally a hugger.. especially when i am not comfortable with someone, and i was not in the mood to fake a happy hug.. i said bye as nicely as i could... knowing how SIL was still such a pi$$y Biotch..... and Spawn had been saying some pretty nasty things to me not even 10 minutes earlier with no sign of forgive, forget and move on.. so i was not going to fake it.


apparently my husband hugged then both, and when he did, BSIL says to him "see. jennie didn't hug me. she does hate me."

WTF.


------------


8/16/2012


Holy effing shart...


i just logged into Dh's facebook to play a game, and this is what i see:

Marena Pratt: OK FOR THE BITCH THAT HURT MY AUNT UNCLE AND MY CUZ AND HER DAUGHTER U FUCK WITH THEM U FUCK WITH  ME SO BRING IT ON


this Marena person is the daughter of my MIL's sister... keep in mind, she is DH's friend on FB, yet he met her once in his life.... and i never even knew she existed, because, well, i am not part of the family.. right? and i have never met ANYONE in their extended family because they don't exactly visit.


so if this is the comment she made on FB... God knows what BSIL and Spawn have been saying since we left on sunday....


btw... we have not spoken to them since we left... DH has not called his dad... have not really had a reason to, and he admitted that frankly he is a bit scared to...


God, please let this BS end. Please.


you know how in every county there is "that section" where the low class people live? here it's Gaston.. and we call that type Gastonites.... where DH worked in florida it was Hollister.... this Merena person is from Fredericktown, which i think is outside of St Louis (which is why we have never met).. and they are of the same ilk apparently. DH says she is most definitely a Gastonite.. and BSIL and Spawn are right there with her.


i showed it to DH when he came by a few minutes ago.. and he was pissed ... but said "lets just ignore it for now. because if i respond, then they win. we can defriend her later, but i want to see what else is said. it was nice knowing my parents.. but i guess this proves BSIL was spinning something as soon as we left. i think i need to call my other sister (the one in phoenix who was ostracized when she got married too) now so we have at least one person on our side."


when we got home tonight, we learned a few things....


first... the Marena chick and BiotchSIL have unfriended DH... awe.. so sad... NOT!


and second... phoenix SIL was telling him she was wondering what was going on because of all the hatred and insults that have been posted all over Spawn's FB page in the last few days..... directed towards me.. how i am evil and brought nothing but pain and misery and am trying to tear their family apart.. how i hurt them.. yada yada yada......


Phoenix SIL is completely on our side... saying BSIL and Spawn are the reason their daughter (who will be 10 in Sept) does not have a relationship with them.. every time they tried, BSIL and/or Spawn would sabotage it to where they would no longer go out to phoenix, and where Phoenix SIL no longer wanted to waste the money trying to visit them in florida.


so tonight i decided i have had enough. i am done. no more playing, no more trying. i am done. the idea that she is spewing her hatred out to everyone in her world and involving people who are not part of the situation... the fact that they are calling me degrading names.. threatening me.. and being so unforgiving, when i have never done anything wrong.... i am done.


BSIL and Spawn will NOT be part of our lives. Katie will never be subjected to their poison and hatred.


MIL and FIL are welcome to be part of her life, and part of ours... but BSIL and Spawn are not welcome. We will never go to that house again as long as BSIL and Spawn are there. MIL and FIL are welcome to come here, but BSIL and Spawn are not. i WILL kick them out of my home if they were to show up.. no ifs ands or butts about it. when we go down to florida for spring training or to take katie to a park, MIL and FIL are welcome to come visit her.. but she will NOT be around BSIL or Spawn again.


that is MY perogative as a mother to protect my child from their brand of evil..... and luckily DH agrees with me.


---------


8/20/2012 around 1230am


DH sees this on his facebook timeline, which I did not get to copy before I was blocked form them so this is from memory:


Melissa (random cousin apparently): I love you auntie no one should hurt you in your own home those are terrible people but I love you very much  (or something to that effect)


MIL replied:  I am used to adults leaving me all my life, all I wanted  was a family of my own but they keep taking my babies away. They come you your house they eat your food they sleep in your bed then they go off on their own and have a good time by theirselves and then come disrespect you in your own home all because of a picture. Mel says it’s never my fault I am just weak and let them treat me that way . I did not react the way I wanted cuz it would scare the baby. I have learned one thing from this never ask for a picture. (that is the best I can remember)

......... So, seeing this come from his mother, when we had left thinking everything was “better” we decide to send a reply, and post it as his status in case they delete the reply to make sure his mom sees it:


From Mike:
To my parents, and everyone else reading this response. I hope you are aware that both myself and my wife are able to read everything that is being written about us on your Facebook page. I find it hurtful and insulting that such hateful things would be said about us in such a public setting over such a private matter. Because you chose to air your laundry in such a public way, I felt it is my right to respond in kind.

Last weekend, we left your house believing that everything that had been misconstrued, misunderstood and miscommunicated over the last 10 and a half years had been cleared up. My wife had been holding back her feelings for years, and frankly, I had been keeping her from saying anything , because I wanted to keep a relationship with my family, with you, and thought by ignoring the way you treated her, it would go away. Well, it never did. You hurt me when you made my wife feel like an outsider. She has only ever been nice to you. She has tried to love you, and you have done nothing but call her names behind her back while being nice to her face. She had the right to finally say something when she was being expected to be excluded from a "family" picture. She and our daughter are as much a part of this family as I am. You cannot have one without the other. You did that at our wedding, and those pictures, which include everyone EXCEPT her have caused her pain for years. How could you expect the bride to feel welcome in a family that did not even respect her enough to have her in the "family" picture at our own wedding? Yet she tried, for over 10 years she has tried to be accepted by you.

In 2004, when she was in emergency surgery losing our baby, you left me to sit alone in that hospital, not knowing whether she was even going to survive the surgery. You left me alone, and you were only 10 minutes away. How could you do that to me? I was alone for 4 hours, until finally her parents, who had driven 300 miles to be with her, got there. They were the ones to sit with me in the minutes until she was brought to recovery. Why weren't you there for me? I have never understood that, yet I forgave you.

For years we lived within an hours drive from you, yet you only ever came to visit if I begged. I always had to come to you. We had no one else in Florida, and since you did not seem to want to be an active part of our lives, we made the decision to move where we would be able to be near family. I have been welcomed into that family in a way that I wish you had welcomed my wife into yours.

When we found out we were finally pregnant again, you, mother, mentioned wanting to come visit to help out toward the end of her pregnancy, yet you did not come. When our daughter was born, on your birthday, you made no attempts to come visit, even though we invited you.

When she was baptised, you did not come to the Christening, even though we wanted you there.

The first time you saw our daughter was only because we happened to be coming down to St Augustine for a wedding, and even then it was only for a few short hours.

She was 7 months old before you finally came to see her for an actual visit, and helped take care of me after my shoulder surgery, and it was wonderful, until you had to abruptly leave early, which I still do not understand the reasons.

The next time you came to visit was not until her 1st birthday, even thought you had been invited many times before then. A month later, you got to see her again because we were finally able to get time off work and make a trip down for Spring Training and a trip to Universal. We don't have the luxury of getting a lot of time off work, so we have to fit a lot into each trip. There was a lot of time we were at the house where you were not available. Time you could have been spending with your granddaughter, yet you chose not to.

Then last weekend, we were able to get off work again, and at my wife's insistance, I asked if we could bring our daughter to come visit you. Yes, we came to your home, we ate your food, we slept in your bed, and we went off by ourselves for one day, specifically leaving our daughter with you so you could have a day alone with her, without us there to distract her. That was the whole point of that day. To allow you to have a day alone with your granddaughter.

We thought the weekend had been going wonderfully, until my sister told my wife about plans to take a "family" picture that would not have her in it. When offered options of how to take the picture to include everyone, my sister scoffed at that. This is what prompted the confrontation the day we left. The offense that she was still being excluded from the family became too much for my wife and she made a too blunt statement that Lisa did not want her in the picture, and that is what opened the flood gates. In my opinion, this is something that should have been done long ago, and we could all have avoided all the years of misunderstanding.

We left your house that day believing the air had been cleared and we would be able to put any of the hurtful things that happened in the past behind us, and be able to move on to be a more loving and close family in the future. We left your house believing that forgiving, forgetting and moving on was the best course of action for our family. Apparently, if your comments on facebook are any indication, you do not feel the same.
Neither of us have blocked you from Facebook, Mother. Lisa chose to unfriend me on her own, and Allisa unfriended both of us months ago for whatever her teenage reasons were at the time.

Neither of us have any intention of blocking you from Facebook, Mom. My wife continues to post pictures of our daughter so you may see her growing up through pictures if not in person.

You said in one of your Facebook comments: "They always take the babies away from me" Mother, it is hard enough to get time off of work to come visit for 2 or 3 days, we have to go home when we have to. That is not taking your granddaughter away from you. She is available, if you just put in as much effort to come see her.

Mom and Dad, we love you both and want the two of you to be part of our daughters life. We have no intention of cutting you out of it. We will no longer burden you by asking to stay at your house when we visit Florida. From now on, whenever we are planning to come down for Spring Training or Disney, or what ever else, we will let you know. You will be more than welcome to meet us for a visit. You are also both welcome to come visit us in SC if you like. We want her to know you, but from now on, it will be up to you.


---------
8/20/2012 afternoon:


i had an anxiety attack today at work and was sent home by my LT. he also recommended i utilize our EAP.. they provide 6 counseling/therapy appointments free... and i am at the point where i need to talk it all out to someone who is not involved and does not know me so i can figure how to get past all the hatred that has been thrown at me..... i have felt sick to my stomach all day.....

i told ya'll that Dh decided to post that response to his mothers fb page... well.... when i logged into fb this morning i noticed his status was not there, so i logged into his account to check why... and this is what i saw... his post gone, and these replies from BSIL and Spawn:

BSIL: More Lies Jennifer You wrote this not my Brother at 1:00 am and if you really knew my Brother you would know that some of the words you used he would not have used remember I changed my Brother's diapers and bottle feed him I was 13 when he was born and watched him grow up and how he talked and words he had said to my parents and he would have never did this on Facebook he would have called our Dad so this is not him STOP your GAMES and by the way all your Xmas gifts to me were off your shelve still with the dust on it and yellow with a glass ring on the book or some small things I never knew what they were this message is crap coming from you miss thing and blaming me is a Joke when I held back for years All you have said about me to my daughter that made made her cry and the things you said about my other niece and it's time your found out Stop using my Brothers FB and using him for your words the reason I un friend Mike was because of you you like to report people that don't agree with you just like Sunday you reported my Daughters You tube funny thing is they gave her the notice with your name . Remember He will always be my BROTHER but he may not always be your HUSBAND . WHAT YOU DID WAS WRONG JENNIE AND NOW BLAMING ME IS WRONG TOO GROW UP and to do all that screaming in the house holding your daughter was WRONG plus the bruises you put on my Daughter GROW UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spawn: A: guys dont write that long...haha jennie nice try.
B: shut up.
C: its 1:30 in the morning mike is in bed this is clearly you
D: YOU SAID that our cats had fleas when we didnt you told micheal to tell me and my mother who LIVED ALWAYS IN FLORIDA you told him to tell us it wasnt that bad. so ha on you
E: YOU DONT GET TO BE IN ALL WEDDING PICTURES. YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HIM AND HIS YOU AND YOUR BRIDESMAIDS. HIM AND HIS PEOPLE ETC. NOT ALL PICS HAVE TO BE YOU SORRY YOU CANT BE IN THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.
F: MY MOTHER JUST ASKED ABOUT HOW TO TAKE A FAM PICTURE AND FOR HER TO TAKE IT MY MOTHER DOESNT KNOW HOW TO WORK CAMERAS SO IT WAS NOT AGAINST YOU.
G: MY MOTHER HAS BEEN THERE FOR MY GRANDPARENTS HELPED BEEN HERE FOR THEM MIKE HAS NOT.
H: LEFT LEAVING THE AIR CLEARED? YOU WERE SO MAD YOU DIDNT PAY ATTENTION TO THE CAR DOOR AND HIT YOUR KID WITH IT BY ACCIDENT. WHO DOESNT PUT THEIR BACK AGAINST A CAR DOOR TO PUT A KID IN A CAR SEAT
I: YOU HAVE YOUR FACEBOOK WALL BLOCKED NO ONE CAN SEE ANYTHING THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
J: THE GUEST BEDROOM IS BEING TAKEN APART. NO SLEEPING AT THE FAMILY LODGE.
K:IVE HAD YOU BOTH UNFRIENDED SINCE TWO YEARS AGO WHEN I TOLD MIKE THAT YOU ARE A MANIPULATING AND THAT HES WHIPPED. I STILL FEEL THE SAME WAY I DO ABOUT YOU JENNIFER IT WONT EVER CHANGE.
L: I TOLD YOU TO YOUR FACE JENNIFER THAT YOU WERE MANIPULATING. THATS WHY WHEN I WAS HOLDING MY GRANDMOTHER MIKES MOTHER YOU WERE PULLING AT MY ARM TO GET IN HER FACE WITH YOUR EYES BUGGED ALL RED. I HAD BRUISES ON MY ARM FROM THAT!
M: YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO TELL ME THAT MY ONE AND ONLY PIERCING WHICH CAN BE HIDDEN AND TAKEN OUT WITH ANY SCAR WAS DISGUSTING. WHEN YOU YOURSELF HAVE MULTIPLE PIERCINGS IN YOUR EARS AND HAD A TOUNGE RING.
N: I DONT BLAME THE GUY YOU WERE FIRST WITH FOR LEAVING YOU SO EARLY I WOULD HAVE TO. MIKE JUST KNEW HIS PARENTS WERE MOVING AND HE NEEDED SOMEONE TO BE WITH. NOW HE JUST PUTS UP WITH YOU.
O: HOW CAN YOU SIT THERE AND SAY WHAT YOU WANT WHEN SOMEONE DIES. YOU DO NOT DO THAT. NEVER!
P:HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT SOMEONE IN THEIR OWN HOME. IF MIKE CAME AT YOUR PARENTS YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER LET HIM FINISH.
Q: MIKE DOESNT HAVE THE BALLS TO WRITE THIS STUFF ON HERE AND YOU KNOW THAT. THATS WHY YOU MANIPULATE HIM.
R: THE ONLY REASON WHY MY GRANFATHER DIDNT THROW YOU OUT WAS BECAUSE OF KATIE BUT THEN AGAIN YOU WILL TAKE HER AWAY ANYWAY.
S:NOTICE HOWS THERE IS NO CURSING IN HERE? I CAN TALK TO YOU IN A ADULT MANNER. I CHOOSE NOT TO BECAUSE YOU YOURSELF ARE CHILDISH JENNIFER.
T:YOU DIDNT WANT ME AND MY MOTHER AT YOUR WEDDING THATS WHY YOU HAD THE PRIEST TELL US WE WERENT WELCOMED AND DONT ACT LIKE YOU DONT KNOW. YOU KNEW I WAS OUT OF WEDLOCK SO IT WAS EITHER YOU OR YOUR MOTHER BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER WAS TOLD BY YOU JENNIFER DONT PLAY THOSE GAMES WITH ME.
U: I HATE TO TELL YOU THIS HUN BUT KATIE HAPPENS TO LOOK ALIKE LIKE ME AS A KID THE WILFONG GENES RUN HIGH. SO HAVE FUN WITH HATING THAT.
V:YOUVE MADE IT CLEAR YOU DIDNT LIKE ME EVEN AFTER HOW YOU ACTED DURING THE FIRST B DAY PARTY WHEN WE WENT UP THERE JUST FOR YOU GUYS THE WAY YOU TALKED TO ME THE WAY YOU ACTED WAS COMPLETELY UNREAL.
W: WILFONG? YOUR NO WILFONG TO ME. YOU DONT DESERVE THE RIGHT TO HAVE THAT LAST NAME WHETHER YOU ARE MARRIED TO HIM OR NOT.
X: YOU DONT SIT THERE AND COMPLAIN TO SOMEONE WHO IS IN THEIR 70S ABOUT A FAMILY PICTURE. WE COULD HAVE TAKEN ONE WITH YOU AND ONE WITH WITHOUT AND PUT THEM TOGETHER JSUT AS EASY AS YOU CAN TAKE SOMEONE OUT OF A PHOTO AND PUT SOMEONE ELSE IN.
Y: MY UNCLE DIED 10 AND A HALF YEARS AGO HE USE TO BE MY UNKEY WE USE TO PLAY AROUND AND HAVE FUN WE USE TO JOKE ABOUT CHANGING"MEAT" IN OUR HEADS FOR BRAINS. NOW HES JUST LIKE YEAH WHATEVER.
Z:SEE THIS ALPHABET? SINCE THIS IS A CHILDISH SITUATION I DECIDED TO TEACH YOU SOMETHING THAT SOMEONE YOUR AGE YOUR DAUGHTER IS LEARNING. THANK YOU HAVE A NICE LIFE.
Spawn: oh and its finally nice to see what you posted a week ago. funny how they just show up now when we couldnt see them a day ago oh and your comment... reported how does it feel sweetcheeks



..........frankly i was floored. i began crying uncontrollably and could not breathe...
most of what both of them said is complete BS... and as Dh says, they are grasping for straws, trying to do everything in their power to make me the bad guy....


but what hit me the hardest was 2 things....


BSIL saying "Remember He will always be my BROTHER but he may not always be your HUSBAND".... that hit me like a ton of bricks.. not because i believe he would leave me... but because she said it, and my own insecurities grabbed hold of that seed of doubt, you know? and i panicked...

the Spawn attacking him, by saying he didn't have the balls to post that, and that i was manipulative, etc.......... i am not used to being on the receiving end of such hatred. i make a point of being nice to everyone i meet.. there are very few people in this world i don't get along wiht, and even fewer i truly hate... so hate is not a familiar thin to me.... and i am having a REALLY hard time handling this...

i know they are full of it... most of what they wrote is either complete BS, or them saying somehting so baseless i don't even know what they are talking about (like me saying something negative about our other niece... not a clue what that could possibly be in reference to)... i know they are desperate to make us the bad guys, but it still hurts... and i am having a hard time handling that hurt.... hence the anxiety attack....

when i got home, i was still crying, and luckily DH was home (on call this week so went in late) and i made sure he read those replies, and he said this to me:


"jennie, you and katie are my world. they are nothing to me, and i am finally seeing them for who and what they are. my sister is desperate, and so is her daughter. they are grasping at straws to make you the bad guy just like she did to Bill (Phoenix SIL's husband). My mother is so incapable of thinking for herself that those 2 have convinced her of all of their BS, and my father is just a poor sap stuck in the middle. He is the one without any balls. Did you know every conversation i have had with him in the last 2 years was because i called him? he never calls me. and if i don't call him for days, it's nothing to him. i finally see that. I love my parents, i do. But it's a one sided relationship. i see now that they are people who do not want to have a relationship with 2 of their children, and there is nothing we can do or say to change that. We will never win this fight because BSIL will spin it to her favor, we can't send a letter or an email because she will sabotage those and destroy them so mom and dad never get the message. maybe one day they will realise what she is, but until then, we cannot change it, so we should not waste the precious time we have trying. Lets spend that time focusing on us, on our daughter. I never knew happiness until i met you. You and katie are my world, and i will not give that up."

there is so much i could say right now that would not even come close to expressing the love i feel for this man.

we are done. no more replies to them. no more even paying attention to the bs they post. we are done with them all. i have been pushed beyond what is even remotely healthy, and they are responsible for that. i have done nothing wrong, and i am the one having anxiety attacks. but my boss, who i told a little about the situation, said if i did NOT feel this way, then i would be the person they say i am.. but because it does bother me, proves i am everything they say i am not.. a loving, caring person.

we did figure out that the reason his post is gone is because Spawn "reported" it and fb removed it as is their policy... so we have NO idea if his mother even got a chance to read it.
-----------------


Wednesday 8/22/12


so i ended up utilizing our EAP and went to see a counselor yesterday to help me figure out how to best deal with the reaction i am having....


 and i have to say it helped some... it was nice to tell the story, as openly as i could, and have a total stranger tell me i am not the bad guy here, they are. she gave me some tasks to complete to help decrease my anxiety, which includes unfriending MIL... it may make me the bad guy in the moment (because i am taking away her baby! omfg!).. but it is something i have to do to preserve my own sanity so i do not have to see the crap they post anymore. so here i go towards being the horrible daughter-in-law....


 second, i have to stop seeking out their posts. there is nothing i can do to stop them from broadcasting their BS, and it is unhealthy for me to see it and worry over it, so i have to let that attempt at control go...


 third, we have to simply NOT show them a response. i cannot stop myself from having a reaction, and she can help me work on that... but showing them any kind of response only feeds their agression. it is not in my nature not to respond, so this will be a hard one...


 and 4th, i have to talk to mike. part of my anxiety is that i feel he has not defended me how deep down i want him to. and i need to tell him that. it would do no good for him to do it right now while everyone is so hostile, but i have to let him make the decision to do it when he feels it is the right time.


 but overall, i have to remove all contact form them, and she can help me through focusing on NOT worrying over what they say about me.. because in the end, people will believe whatever they want to believe, and BSIL and SPAWN blowing all their smoke without a reaction from me will only make them look petty and baseless when the monster does not appear.


so they have all been blocked and removed. no more contact... and if they do choose to contact me in some other way, then that is harrassment and i can file a police report.  but we are done.
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November 2012

received a package in the mail addressed to Katie... it was a Cabbage Patch Kid, a rather large, bald and creepy ugly looking cabbage patch kid... and it was named Katie Shea on the birth certificate with it.. and a postcard from the BabyLand General Hospital in Atlanta from MIL and FIL saying they had visited there and adopted this CPK for her ... and they got a bald one because she would "do less damage to it" when it got banged on the floor.. ... i don't know about you but i would think hair would protect it from damage more.. but that is me...

frankly, this thing was ugly.. and i mean, it frightened me when i saw it.
i gave mike the option of contacting them, but he elected not to, because he was rather pissed that they went to atlanta (3 hour drive form us) and did not even call to try to meet up...

so i contacted babyland general and inquired about exchanging this doll for one i thought Katie would actually like... so i exchanged it for 2.. a fairy and a princess with their own names... she opened them for christmas as presents from her grandparents... the "meaning" was not lost on me for it to be a present from them, so i kept it that way.. just chose a gift that would not frighten the poor child... especially since she already had my old CPK's to play with and they look NOTHING like this frightening thing did...  she loved the ones she got instead.

i gave mike the option of sending them a thank you card.. he elected not to.  his choice.

never got any further contact from them.. 

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February 2, 2013

our anniversary,... no call from MIL or FIL... mike was hoping for one.. but unfortunately..... 
he still won't call them.. says he is still too hurt... and has finally realise that his "relationship" with his father was mostly one sided for the last several years.. his dad never called him.... his mom or BSIL only called when they needed something, especially LE advise... Phoenix SIL is the only one who ever seems to WANT to talk to him about life... just like a sister should.

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February 23, 2013

it is katie's birthday, and MIL's for that matter, and no contact from them at all.. mike has chosen to not try either.

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March 27, 2013

it is mike's birthday, and he has not heard from his parents at all.. he is having a hard time with this... i keep telling it is up to him if he wants to contact them.  I will not allow BSIL or Spawn into Katie's life, but his parents can be a part of it if he wants them to... since they have not even tried, i take it they don't.

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July 7, 2013

my birthday... no contact from them.. didn't really expect any... sad really.

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December 21, 2013...

mike got a call from Phoenix SIL letting him know about the following post that was made by Spawn:

Spawn:
In the spirit of christmas I'd like to make a public post. I usually don't voice my opinion when It comes to family...but I'm more than fed up with how mine is.. lets begin with a slight family tree experiment here.. now for times and names sake im only going to use immediate family..(also because all of other family lives far away) so... 1990's Aunt Shari(married to Bill){good communication with family},Uncle Mike(single){great communication with family},Mom Lisa(complicated BS/single){great communication with family},Grandma Ellie(Married to Mel),Grandpa Mel(Married to Ellie),Me
2000's Aunt Shari(married to bill) Their daughter samantha {good->alright->barely communication falling pattern within the 10 years"partially due to living out of state"} Uncle Mike(married to Jennifer) {great-->good communication"communication began to fall due to living out of state","calls to Grandparents Mel,Ellie still took place frequently during this time} Mom Lisa (Single"unless you count the guy she talked too on the phone for awhile who ended up being a real prick"){great communication"even taking care of family dog while [grandparents travel]''},Me (single->dating){great communication with family ''living with mother so same communication as her"}
2011-2013 Aunt Shari(married to bill) Their daughter samantha {barely->almost non existent communication},Uncle Mike(married to Jennifer) their daughter Kathryn{good communication->non existent communication},Mom Lisa (Single){great communication},Me (dating){great communication with family}
<_> Obviously the "family" in this timeline is (grandparents)...
<_> Look I refuse to step on eggshells because we don't want to lose communication with anyone...look where its gotten us so far...lost communication..both parties who have lost communication chose to do so,and therefore I do find that they are no longer worthy of my time or communication. Now I know some of you can see this..and "QUITE FRANKLY MY DEAR,I DON'T GIVE A DAMN" - Gone with the wind.I'm a person where I treat you the way you treat me,In the end you are only hurting yourself and depriving your children(my cousins) of communication with the other side of their family; All we did was LOVE you guys,Nothing more,Nothing less. So when you are all nestled up by your Christmas trees,opening presents and supposedly enjoying quality time with family; remember that, that other side of the family you left behind?, They are enjoying Christmas just fine without you.And as for me.. well I could go on for hours...But since I'm nice and stick up for my family I'll leave you all with this...“There is no such thing as a "broken family." Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are NOT your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family.” ― C. JoyBell C. You cut those ties,we didn't. Merry Christmas!

PS- calling or emailing us a month before a birthday or holiday,or wedding to get gifts from us does NOT count as communicating...Just saying...

-----her comment to her own post:
I do apologize for punctuation errors with names,and for the long post.
Tagging all family members that have FB (if the truth offends you,that is your issue and just proves the reality in it;Don't bother calling or emailing us to complain about this post; For it will not change any form of ties,or communication with us. If your timeline is not in this post,then that means that you are not my immediate family,but if you are tagged then you are more family to me than the shared blood above. Also until this tag hits my mother lisa did not know of this post so therefore do not blame her,I ecstatically  take all blame for this post. It sad when you have to write a post and make it almost like a legal document because of how screwed up your family is.haha


..... wtf?
no contact from them for over a year, no attempt even.. and now Spawn is publically airing her dirty laundry again?! ugh.


...according to mike, Phoenix SIL is REALLY upset about this post and saddened because she does still try and even sent them christmas presents...

it just seems to me that Spawn , and the rest of them for that matter, just do not realise that relationships go both ways.  THEY have to be willing to communicate in a positive manner too... and don't...

i hate that those i care about (DH and Phoenix SIL especially) are hurt by these people.... and that katie is losing out on knowing that set of grandparents because MIL and FIL are so clueless to what a good relationship really is... i really hate it

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