i feel what?

every time someone asks me how i am feeling... i tell them... whether they actually want to know or not.... i figure, you ask, i will tell.... if you don't REALLY want to know, then just say Hi. :)

so for the last few weeks, my father has been on this kick about saying how this will be the longest pregnancy in history... i guess because i have known about it from the beginning and i am always talking about it.... which i suppose gets tiring from his point of view.

but i can't help but talk about it all the time.. i am experiencing and feeling soooo much.... soo much i feel the need to talk about, primarily because i usually don't understand it and get scared or worried if it's "normal".......

but the real question turns out to be "what IS normal."

every time i describe a feeling i feel, i get different responses depending on who i am talking to. My mother, for instance, does not remember feeling ANYTHING like what i feel during any of her pregnancies... but in my defense, she was sick till 6 months for one and had toddlers to run around and catch for the other 2... so i doubt she really had time, or lack of nausea enough to sit and just FEEL...

but i feel SOOO much. so i do a lot of research, i ask a lot of questions, and i wonder and worry a LOT.

but while almost everything i feel and experience can be explained by either my research, or someone answering my question.... i think i finally figured out WHY i feel so much.

if you have read this entire blog, then you know my history... you know the issues i have dealt with for so many years... the complications... the frustrations.. and the pain.

it's the pain that keyed me in to why i feel every twinge now...

my body and my mind are soo attuned to "listening" for sensations, whether they be odd, painful, or pleasurable.... i spent soo many year having pain that i had to figure out if it was something "normal" for me to be experiencing because of my problems, and thus i could ignore... or if it is a new kind of pain i should worry about....

i think that because of all those years of being soo attuned to my own body that it is just natural now for me to be able to feel every stretch and pull and twinge as my body is changing and the baby and womb growing.... i mean a LOT is going on and getting rearranged and smushed together right now.. lol

but because of this, i find myself often worrying to much about whether or not it's "normal"....

so i came to a conclusion.... "normal" is abnormal.... there is no such thing as normal.. i am experiencing what i am experiencing and it is not going to be exactly the same as what someone else experienced because they are not me. :)

i am enjoying this pregnancy, even with all it's bumps and bruises and confusing emotions.... as long as the dr says everyhting is good, then i will trust in that... but i will certainly use technology to my advantage to quell my fears in between dr's appts :)... i love my dopplar... lol