since i have been stressing so much about whether or not the baby is growing as expected, i decided i want to try to get an ultrasound at my next appt just to see...
why am i worried? well, feel like i am dehydrated yet drowning in the water i drink yet still constantly thirsty... i have not gained any weight, which many people tell me is fine.. but i still worry about it... and i am still so tired all the time... just makes me worry about the baby... i know i shouldn't.. but i can't help it...
after being monitored SOOOO much during the IVF process, i am just not comfortable not being to SEE how the baby is progressing now...
so i have been planning on asking my OB's office if they will do an ultrasound at my appt next week just to make sure everything is as it is supposed to be... but i don't know if they will or if my insurance would cover another ultrasound (i am not scheduled for the "big" 3d one where they measure everything for 6 more weeks...)
i found a place in town that does them 2d, 3d and 4d... which i thought would be a great idea, and not overly expensive... so i called someone close to me to ask her if i couldn't get an ultrasound done by my OB at my next appt, would she want to go with me to that place....
and her response "jennifer. do not do that. do not waste your money. you need to enjoy this pregnancy and not make yourself worry so much."
wtf!!!!!
i am enjoying being pregnant...to a point... but i am a worrier and i need peace of mind to FULLY enjoy it.... after everything we have been through to get to this point, i need to SEE not just assume....
she just doesn't get that... she has no idea what it is like for me.
i feel so blessed to even be pregnant right now but every day i fear something bad is going to happen and it will be taken away from me...
why is that so hard to understand?
if the technology is there to give me peace of mind, why shouldn't i use it?
this is the one thing she, and so many other poeple around me, just does not understand... and i am sooo tired being told i need to stop being the way i am... i cannot help that i overreact and overanalyze... it's the way i am... i admit it fully, but that does not stop it from happening...
as Popeye always said "i yam what i yam."
ok.. so trying for a bit of levity there... but it's the truth.. i am who and what i am and that will not change because someone else thinks i am being difficult or overreactive. i cannot help it... it is me.
why can't poeple just accept me that way...... and walk with me as i follow the path that i believe will give me the peace of mind i need to fully enjoy this experience.....
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